The Normal Life
Most people lead pretty normal lives. They grow up. They go to college or get a job. They get married. They become parents. It seems to be a pretty normal pattern that not many people think twice about. But I'm not normal. And that's what's been scaring me. Some who read this know my past and the things I struggle with. Most probably don't. For the last 3 months, those struggles have not become easier, but easier to deal with none-the-less. The sun peeked through the clouds. And then ever slow slowly, the clouds began to roll away. But then last week, I crashed and burned again. It was painful to fall so far down so fast. There are theories why it happened and how it happened, but the main point is this: it hurt. Now this cloud of fear has settled over me. Will I ever lead a normal life? Or will this darkness never give me up? I want to be a wife and mother. I want to be effectively involved in ministry. But how? That has been my question.
For an assignment, I had to read The Unfolding Mystery by Edmund Clowney. It's all about finding Christ in the Old Testament. This book rocked my face off. It basically follows the story of Jesus (and therefore God's redemptive plan) from the Garden of Eden right up the beginning of the New Testament. Over and over again the author stresses that it is not the choices of the people but their being chosen by God that makes all the difference. Clowney writes, "Only God's revelation can build a story where the end is anticipated from the beginning and where the guiding principle is not chance or fate, but promise". God is the author of the story. And we are all part of that story. I am part of that story.
I don't have what it takes. I'm not pretty enough, sweet enough or witty enough to attract a guy. I'm not smart enough, spiritual enough or strong enough to be in ministry. I'm not wise enough, kind enough, or creative enough to be a mother. But God is still in control. It is not my wisdom but His that matters. It is not my strength but His that matters. It is not my choices but His choosing that matters. Thank you Mr. Clowney for reminding me of this...
For an assignment, I had to read The Unfolding Mystery by Edmund Clowney. It's all about finding Christ in the Old Testament. This book rocked my face off. It basically follows the story of Jesus (and therefore God's redemptive plan) from the Garden of Eden right up the beginning of the New Testament. Over and over again the author stresses that it is not the choices of the people but their being chosen by God that makes all the difference. Clowney writes, "Only God's revelation can build a story where the end is anticipated from the beginning and where the guiding principle is not chance or fate, but promise". God is the author of the story. And we are all part of that story. I am part of that story.
I don't have what it takes. I'm not pretty enough, sweet enough or witty enough to attract a guy. I'm not smart enough, spiritual enough or strong enough to be in ministry. I'm not wise enough, kind enough, or creative enough to be a mother. But God is still in control. It is not my wisdom but His that matters. It is not my strength but His that matters. It is not my choices but His choosing that matters. Thank you Mr. Clowney for reminding me of this...
posted by Elder at 3:33 PM
1 Comments:
needless to ask if he's a calvinist.. *sigh*
God's promises are true and He keeps them all right - and He choses some to make His plan come true - but when it comes to all individuals on this planet, I believe that God does not intervene into everyone's life, "no matter what".. that would mean He chooses some to go to hell :/ I believe that God uses everybody who makes a decision for Him (but also knows who that's going to be) - with some He makes an exception (such as Paul) in order to make a statement that it is HIM who does all the good things not the man..
what I want to say is this: you chose God, as He chose you.. both sides agreed to a relationship.. you gave Him control over your life, that's good! but He left you with a free mind to make decisions - you can still decide against Him (which I hope you'll never do) - but this also includes that He lets you chose your mate and the way you look at yourself..
you say you're not pretty enough - according to who?! which one of the people, whose opinion actually matters, says that? here is the list of people that matter (not more, not less) - 1. God, 2. your future spouse, 3. yourself
i believe you are the only one who thinks this way of all three people who matter! all others DONT! so catch a mirror and find the princess in it, for that's what you are in the kingdom of God! a princess is pretty by default! :)
as for ministry: same thing - you chose it! if God doesnt like it, He will let you know..
as for the mom part: ok.. that one's up to God ;D
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